Post-divorce, you and your child’s other parent will have to find a way to make your existing custody arrangement work. That’s oftentimes easier said than done, though, given that each of you may have your own ideas about the best way to raise your child. This can create an enormous amount of conflict which, if left unresolved, can cause a lot of stress and even prove harmful to your child’s overall well-being. With so much on the line, you need to know what you can do to build an effective co-parenting relationship, and if your efforts prove unsuccessful, then you may need to think about taking your custody case back to court for a modification.
Tips for building an effective co-parenting relationship
Not all co-parenting relationships are salvageable, but many can be saved with intentionality. Here are some steps you may want to consider taking to try to reduce conflict and ensure that your child’s best interests are protected:
- Find an effective means of communication: If you and the other parent are always arguing when you talk on the phone or meet face-to-face, then you need to find another way to communicate. This is why many parents use text messaging and apps to discuss custody and visitation-related issues. Putting everything in writing allows you to reflect on what you want to say before you say it, and it creates a record that can be helpful if you end up having to take your custody issues back to court. Your spouse will likely think twice about what they’re saying before they put it in writing, too, which can reduce the conflict that you end up facing.
- Avoid personal attacks: Attacking your child’s other parent isn’t going to do any good. In fact, it’s probably just going to lead to retaliation, which could include hurtful statements about you or even parental alienation that proves dramatically harmful to your child and your relationship with them. So, try to keep a professional demeanor and remain respectful, even in times when it’s hard to practice restraint.
- Keep your child out of the middle: It’s easy to vent about the other parent while your child is present, but doing so can be harmful to your kid. It can warp their perceptions of the other parent, and it may cause them to resent you for being so harsh about the other parent. So, avoid making disparaging statements about the other parent while in in your child’s presence, and don’t use your child as a messenger. You want to keep them out of your custody and visitation disputes as much as possible.
- Seek modification when necessary: Although you need to make diligent efforts to build an effective co-parenting relationship, you don’t have to continuously buy into a custody arrangement that simply isn’t working out. This is especially true if it’s apparent that the custody order in place is harmful to your child. So, if your efforts to build a strong co-parenting relationship fail, and the result leads to an outcome that isn’t in your child’s best interests, then you may need to think about the best way to frame a child custody modification argument.
Advocate for a child custody arrangement that protects your child’s well-being
Dealing with custody disputes can be incredibly stressful, but you have to remember that your child’s best interests are the controlling standard. So, be sure to focus on what’s best for your child as you navigate your co-parenting relationship and develop legal arguments related to any custody or visitation issues you may be facing. By being thorough and aggressive in addressing the best interest standard, you’ll hopefully achieve an outcome that’s fair and just while protecting your child’s well-being and their relationship with each parent so long as such as outcome is safe.